Author: Matt & Amy

Ten Minutes from Home…

/ Matt & Amy / 2 Comments

I decided to take a walk one day and see what was ten minutes from home… Or I guess maybe I should say, I was walking ten minutes one day before I found a songthaew that was going where I needed to go. But either way you look at it…

Ten minutes from home there is a spirit house with a cool table in front of it for all the taxi drivers to play checkers on. Spirit houses are everywhere. They usually have offerings on them and sometimes I have to be careful when I walk by them so as to not get a bee in my eye as they are drawn to the sweet red sodas the Thai offer the spirits.

There’s also some graffiti… don’t ask me why it’s in English. I’m not sure. Graffiti is everywhere here. I rarely see it in Thai. I’m not sure if it’s legal here or not, but I like it.

Ten minutes from home there is currently a carnival. It wasn’t there a couple of months ago. During the day it’s quiet. At night all the lights come on and kids come to play. There’s also a lot of vendors and such further back. I haven’t wandered back to see what all is there. Maybe someday.

As I was waiting for these pictures to load, I started thinking about how each of these things represent something that is important here. The spirit houses represent a very large part of the belief system of the Thai people. Spirit houses literally are everywhere and even where there aren’t spirit houses, red Fanta and smoking red incense sticks can be found as an offering to the spirits.
The graffiti to me represents a quest for family. So many here are searching and it’s common to hear people refer to individuals who aren’t their blood family as their “mom” or “brother” or “sister”. While gangs seek to find that family among each other, the individuals I see day in and day out are seeking family that will not let them down and will be there for each other.
The carnival represents the Thai’s love of “sanook” or fun. To me it speaks of the desire to be fascinated that God put inside each one of us with the intent that He be the one to fascinate us.
In each of these things, only ten minutes from home, I see the cry God put in humanity for himself. A cry to be freed from the weight of sin. A cry to be a part of something greater than ourselves. A cry to be a part of the family of God, A cry to be fascinated. A cry to return to our eternal home, in His arms.

Reality Check from The Soloist

/ Matt & Amy / 2 Comments

It hasn’t been easy here. I am discovering more of who I am. Sometimes I like what I find. Other times, I don’t. I have found through being the only foreigner on my team that I have a high need for meaningful interactions with others… not just an exchange of pleasantries, but my heart soars in those moments that I get to connect with someone else deeply. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen all that often right now. Something to do with not speaking Thai yet.

I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands lately, though, to work on remedying that not speaking Thai thing. I’ve also been really asking God to search my heart and show me His for my time here. And what has come to me in these times is something that was spoken over my life the very first day I said yes to God’s invitation to go to Thailand: “He’s calling you to be a friend to the friendless.” At times, I’ve wondered, what’s so powerful about that. Why He wants me to be that for people. And why it must be such a lonely place to walk in.

The other day, I borrowed a movie from a friend… Just to have an infusion of English in my day, or so I thought. But as “The Soloist” was spinning in my laptop, I began seeing the parallels between my life and the life of a journalist, Steve Lopez, who befriended Nathaniel Ayers, a homeless man. I found myself crying when Steve’s wife told him, “You couldn’t stop that earthquake. You can’t fix LA. And you’re never going to cure Nathaniel. Just be his friend and show up.” And I felt the Ultimate Soloist reminding me that’s what I’m here for… just to be a friend. Just to show up. Is it significant? Sometimes I wonder… But I continued feeling the Ultimate Soloist playing the strings of my heart as the final scene from the movie rolled:

A year ago, I met a man who was down on his luck and thought I might be able to help him. I don’t know that I have. Yes, my friend Mr. Ayers now sleeps inside. He has a key. He has a bed. But his metal state and his well-being are as precarious now as they were the day we met. there are people who tell me I’ve helped him. Mental health experts who say that the simple act of being someone’s friend can change his brain chemistry, improve his functioning the world. I can’t speak for Mr. Ayers in that regard. Maybe our friendship has helped him. But maybe not. I can, however speak for myself. I can tell you that by witnessing Mr. Ayer’s courage, his humility, his faith in the power of his art, I’ve learned the dignity of being loyal to something you believe in. Of holding onto it. Above all else, of believing without question that it will carry you home.

I am encouraged in being reminded that being a trustworthy friend to these ones can bring hope and a sense of value…. or “change his brain chemistry, improve his functioning in the world.” However, I don’t believe that I was sent here simply to see things improve in such small measures in the lives of those I have befriended. In the day-to-day moments where I cannot see that my friendship is helping them, I choose to be loyal to this: I believe that the melody and harmonies of God’s everlasting love are powerful enough to bring a shift to the thinking not only of one, but of nations. I believe that though I cannot fix Pattaya, He can. I believe that though I cannot cure these ones, He can cure the most broken of hearts.

As I learn from the One who is Jealous for these souls, I am also learning much from these ones. I am seeing the power of their friendships in my life. Someone told me yesterday, “You are my best friend.” I was humbled at those words, as I have not yet been here three months. The other day I was crying because I was homesick and and a competitive dancer let down his tough facade to let me know he knows how it feels to miss home. A former prostitute said she knew what it’s like to miss one’s family because she misses her daughter. And they told me they would pray for me. And meant it. Maybe my love is changing them. Their love is changing me. And God’s love is changing all of us. What a beautiful symphony we will play as we arise as the Sons and Daughters of the Living God, playing with the Ultimate Soloist, releasing a song of love that will change everything.

Nam Wan

/ Matt & Amy / 5 Comments

She’s one of my favs. Maybe it’s the way that she runs to me for a hug each time she sees me or maybe it’s her smile. But one way or another, Nam Wan has a way of making my face light up when I see her, despite her stubborn streak.

One of the first days I hung out with her, she “read” to me out of a cartoon-strip version of the Gospels. She told me about how God was a baby. She told me all about how Jesus opened the eyes of the blind man. She told me about Jesus dying on the cross. And about how God loves everyone. All in Thai and with very animated gestures, of course. I asked her where God is and she gave me one of those, “Don’t you know?” looks and said, “PraJao yu ti-noon!” (God is way up there!) with her finger pointed straight up in the air. She doesn’t seem to understand that I barely speak Thai… or if she does, she doesn’t let it bother her. She just jabbers away, climbs into my arms for a hug, begs to be spun around, and then runs off with my camera or begins to pose as the model for a very long photo shoot.

“Shae Shae’s” World…

/ Matt & Amy / 3 Comments

During my second week in Thailand, on a slow day when I was simply sitting at the Tamar Center, I was thumbing through the list of contacts on my phone and saw her number… or what was once her number. I took a deep breath and decided to try…

“Hello?” Came the voice at the other end.

“Shae Shae?” I asked tentatively. “It’s Amy, do you remember me?”

“Of course, I remember,” she said. “Where are you?”

“I’m in Thailand… in Pattaya. I miss you. I want to see you.”

“Now?”

“Well, if you have time…”

And so it began that day… our friendship has been rekindled. I’ve gone to see this dear one nearly every week since being here. Life has not been easy for her since I left. She hasn’t always gotten the help she’s needed, and though she has received some help it has not been enough to get her out of the bars. Until she met a man… a man from Sweeden who said he loved her and who became her boyfriend. With his help, she left the bars and has lived a comfortable life in Pattaya.

I wish this had come another way for her… she deserves much better. And she realized it just a couple weeks ago and broke it off with him. She’s saying now she needs a good job. Not like the job she had before. I agree. I wouldn’t want her to go back to that hell for anything. Now I’m just waiting. Praying. And asking. Surely someone in Pattaya could help a young one who is wanting to change her life, is having dreams at night of being a missionary in China, loves children, takes excellent pictures, speaks English perfectly and Thai decently, and knows more about what happens in Pattaya than most and was at one point training to become a tour guide. Please believe with me for opportunities to open for Shae Shae. Pray that the destiny God has for her to come to pass.

a mile in her shoes…

/ Matt & Amy / 1 Comment

The other day my friend Sherri and I went shoe shopping with May. I had been wanting to spend time with May and thought this would be some good “girl” bonding time. We arranged to meet May at Central Festival – a huge six floor mall here in Pattaya. I wasn’t entirely certain where a “gal” like May would go shopping for shoes but was quite curious… wherever it was would certainly have my size. As a farang with size 38-40 feet (in America, that would be a size 8 or 9 depending on the shoe) finding out where to shop for shoes is quite important. I had noticed before however, that May and I have different styles. May prefers shoes that add at least 2, if not 3 inches to her stature. I, on the other hand, would fall over should I wear such a shoe and prefer something a bit more basic…. chacos or flip flops or hiking shoes are my usual favorites and if I want to dress up there won’t be any additions to my height due to my choice in footwear.

As the frigid air inside Central welcomed us in from the heat of the day, I debated between asking a tall “gal” in the cosmetics section of the store where she would shop for shoes or if I should simply call May. I opted to utilize my phone instead of my networking skills but just as it was ringing, I saw May in Lyn with about five or six other “gals” that she seemed to know. Of course, the shoes here were May’s style… I only found a few flats that I even considered trying on. Most were far too frilly for my taste. Or I could tell by looking at them that they would, despite being flats, cause excruciating pain by the end of oh, about 30 seconds. May was trying on a pair of back 3 inch heels and trying to decide if they were worth the sale amount of over 1,700 bhat. She tried on a few others as well… and at one point coaxed me into slipping on the black heels she had just had on.
Once my feet figured out how to go into them, I stood there with my ankles trembling… I felt somewhat like the little five-year old girl that had played dress-up with Mommy’s shoes and had clicked across the kitchen floor draped in a colorful scarf. I think that was the last time I had worn heels. May was laughing at my efforts and gestured towards the mirror saying, “Oh, perfect very incredible. Come see.”

I opted to sit down instead and as I traded the black heels for my comfy black flip flops I glanced around the shop. More “gals” and girls had come since Sherri and I had arrived. The “gals” all wore heels or at the very least platform shoes that added to their height by at least 2 inches, all with the exception of one who stood at over 6’3″ in flats. The girls all were content to wear more sensible and comfortable shoes – flats or shoes with a small platform. And I realized that just as I felt that I was a five-year-old playing dress up, in many ways I was surrounded by five-year-old boys playing dress up in grown-up female-looking bodies. I wanted to ask them about their stories.

The more stories I hear from these “gals” the more I hear that when they were a little boy, around five-years-old, they started wanting to dress up in their grandma’s shoes or play with their sister’s barbies. Somewhere in their journey, they tried to leave that little boy behind but he is still lurking in the corners of their hearts. “When I was a little boy…” they say. “But I am a lady now.”

Though we left the shoes on the sale rack, these thoughts, like shoes, have come with me everywhere this week. Jesus, come, on behalf of these little ones.

Little Ones To Him Belong…

/ Matt & Amy / 6 Comments

She is Cambodian. Probably 5 or 6. And incredibly sweet and mischievous. He is also from Cambodia… around the same age. They look like brother and sister. I heard they are, but I have no real way of knowing. Khmer and Thai are such different languages. She’s a quick one. She stole my Nalgene when I set it down to take their picture. But I guess I did let her. I couldn’t take it from her… not with the smile she wore. That was in September 2008.

A couple of weeks ago, as I was heading home late at night with a friend I saw her alone on the songtaew. Her brother, if he is her brother, wasn’t there. No parents. She can’t be much older than 7 or 8 now. I immediately recognized her. I don’t know if she remembered me or or not… but the entire songthaew ride home, we made silly faces at each other. And she copied everything I did. I never caught her name.

Later that week, I saw her in the downtown area begging. She remembered me this time for sure and her face lit up. I stopped for a few moments to say hello before heading on.

Then one day, as I was sitting in our office I saw her walk by with an older woman. Ying, one of my Thai teammates, immediately knew she was Cambodian, that she lived in the slum outside the city and that she came every day into town to beg in the area that I saw her in earlier that week.

My heart ached to do something for her. Though I’m saddened that she has no true childhood, I’m glad that she’s working as a beggar and not selling herself. I wonder what has happened to her brother though. I have not seen him yet.

There’s a child shrieking with laughter down the hall from my room as I write this. I wish that my little friend could share in this laughter for more than one songthaew ride. But I have to leave her and her brother in His hands, and trust that little ones to Him belong. Though they are weak and vulnerable, He is strong on their behalf.

Scrawlings in the Sand…

/ Matt & Amy / 2 Comments

After being on the beach one day with prostitutes, drug dealers, abusive husbands, and battered women, I began to wonder, “What did Jesus write in the sand that day that caused the silence of the Pharisees? What was it about this Friend of sinners that left these accusations in the dust?” (See John 8:2-11)

Did He write, “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord” (Hosea 2:19-20)?

Did He write from the prophets, reminding them of how their torn love from the Father was like being caught in the act of adultery?

Did He list out the laws… all the major and minor that we are not capable of keeping?

Did He write the secrets of men’s hearts?

Did He write of His faithful love?

Does it matter what He wrote? Or was it simply that LOVE, incarnate, was in their midst?

Many have wondered. I am wondering now because I feel as though I am sometimes caught by those, who though well meaning, are trying to set a trap for me. “In the law of Moses…” they say. Oh but what does the law of Love say? Does this Love demand that we lay down our sin before we can approach Him? Or does it take on our sin, knowing full well we cannot overcome our brokenness on our own?

Many point out that Jesus told this woman, “Go and sin no more.”

How many see that Jesus told the teachers of the law and the Pharisees, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7)?

I am not without sin. I refuse to throw a stone at these ones. I will let Him be the one to say, “Go and sin no more.” I will hear Him whisper this in my own ear. I will read His scrawlings in the sand until these marks of love are inscribed on my heart. But I let my stone fall to the ground. I will learn the way of love, from the One who came, not to condemn, but to save. And I will walk with Him in this way so that Love is made more manifest in me.