Click here to read my December 2010 update.

And have an amazing Christmas!

He stood out to me from the moment I walked into the church’s meeting room a few minutes before the service began. His simple jeans and teal short-sleeved scoop neck top paired with heels made him seem put together, but I saw the pain common to the transgendered or “ladyboys” in his eyes.  “Can I sit with you?” He nodded and introduced himself.  I was not certain what else to say to Shae Shae, but the worship service began a couple of moments later, saving me from an awkward silence. As the music played, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude to God for His faithfulness to pursue that city in Thailand during the previous week’s missions school. Shae Shae and I kept brushing against each other as we worshipped, and each time I silently prayed for him. After bumping into each other yet again, Shae Shae grasped my hand and I squeezed back. He held on for quite some time, seeming to just enjoy this innocent display of affection.
The speaker that morning shared about how God was birthing something new in this city. After his message, he asked the school participants to come forward to pray for anyone desiring ministry. Even while praying over the few that came forward, I kept feeling drawn to pray for Shae Shae. I returned to my row and with Shae Shae’s permission I began to ask the Father to release His heart over my new friend:

“I see a thunderstorm inside of you. You are full of the power of God because the Holy Spirit lives inside of you. You carry the power of lightening and your voice shakes things in the supernatural just like the thunder shakes things in the natural. You carry the healing power of rain. Just like rain washes over the earth and heals the ground, you have that power inside of you. But I also feel like this storm is a picture for what you are feeling. I feel like you are very angry and sad. Why are you so sad?”
Shae Shae paused, then said, “I am a victim of illegal trafficking.” Shae Shae teared up as he described how the promise of good work had lured him from his home country. His tears choked back the words for a moment, so I tried to fill in a few details by asking, “And they took you to this city?” Shae Shae nodded, “They took me to one of the ladyboy bars and said, ‘This is your work: selling yourself.’” After a year of working in the bar, Jesus had met him the previous night. He gave his life to the Lord and left the bar to follow Christ.

Shocked and saddened by my new friend’s story, I told him that our God is a God who restores and heals all the broken places and began praying for restoration of all that had been stolen. Shae Shae hugged me and thanked me with tears still clinging to his long dark lashes, “I will never forget you. You are the first person to pray for me.”

Over the next two weeks, Shae Shae and I met up at church. The church members from his home country had welcomed this one in and were doing their best to love on him. Despite that, during my last weekend in the city, Shae Shae told me that there was so much pressure on him to become like a man again outwardly: to get a masculine haircut and begin dressing in men’s clothes and stop wearing makeup. “They want to change me,” Shae Shae said each time he brought up this pressure. I feel that a part of him knows he was created to be a man, yet because he has been a ladyboy for so much of his life, asking him to give up the feminine parts of his appearance and behavior was asking him to give up his identity.

A friend who had also befriended Shae Shae, told him that the most important thing was not to worry about changing, but to fall in love with Jesus and let Jesus bring transformation. “And the best way to fall in love with Jesus,” I added, “is to let him show you how much He loves you. He loves you because He loves you because He loves you, because He is love. You can’t do anything to make Him stop loving you.”

That day Shae Shae also told me that he was unable to make rent and was considering returning to prostitution because his illegal immigrant status made it impossible to get other work. My heart broke when I heard this. “I don’t want you to have to go back, Shae Shae. I don’t want you to be hurt again.” Shae Shae teared up again. I knew he didn’t want to go back either. Over the next couple of weeks, I worked one of the organizations in Shae Shae’s city via email to try and find other options for him. Because Shae Shae is a ladyboy, however, many of the options available to women who are seeking to get out of the sex trade are not available to him. I recently discovered that despite efforts to get other work since May, Shae Shae is still occasionally prostituting himself. Will you stand with me in prayer that viable work opportunities will open up for Shae Shae and others seeking to leave prostitution?

“Madam! Madam!” a preteen boy in a soccer jersey tugged persistently at my arm. I smiled down at him and the assortment of neon bracelets he was trying to sell me and continued down the dark, narrow, and busy Pattaya Soi. The persistent little guy was met by a no. A preteen girl approached to offer bracelets as well. After another no, they scampered off to try their luck on a  couple more of the foreigners I was walking down the street with. 
The boy ran across the street towards a bearded man in a button-up shirt and  jeans. Though surprised, Anthony reached his tattooed arms out to gently touch the little boy’s shoulders. Anthony squatted down and handed the preteen a couple bills in exchange for three of the glow sticks. The two of them formed a tricolor glow necklace that the young vendor then placed around Anthony’s neck, quickly followed by his arms. Anthony gave the boy a tight squeeze in return. Once the little guy excitedly ran on, Anthony walked across the street towards me.

“You do know who they are, don’t you?” Anthony asked. I nodded as he ran his hand through the curls on the nape of his neck to shake beads of perspiration. “You do?” Leaning in close he said as softly as possible to still be heard over the loud bar music, “They’re selling themselves.”

I sighed loudly and grimly. I had been fully aware of that, but hadn’t wanted to believe it.

“You knew that, didn’t you?” He broke from my side after receiving an affirmative nod and continued leading the team comprised of about fifteen teenagers and young people and one middle-aged woman down the street.

I linked arms with one of the Thai teens at the back of the group, but remained deep in thought. The group stopped and Anthony corralled the youngsters close to him and began conferring with Uh-Oh, our translator. The techno music behind me arguing with a different beat from the bar across the street kept me from hearing, despite being only a couple of feet away. Scanning the scene across the lane, my eyes landed on a tall, slender figure leaning sadly against the silver pole in the center of the empty bar. Our eyes seemed to meet for a moment. Then suddenly distracted by movement from behind me, I turned to see on the other side of the the darkened window a couple of scantily dressed girls dancing smoothly and seductively to the rhythm. Catching the eye of the girl above my head, I smiled love at her, but a genuine smile was not returned.

“I’m going in,” Anthony announced, turning to face us and gesturing across the street. “Who’s with me?” He glanced around the group and his eyes landed on our translator. “Uh-Oh, you’re with me.” I stepped forward to join Anthony, as did Marjorie, the older woman who was with our group. 
Anthony instructed those staying behind to stick close together, then facing those those who had joined him, said,“Let’s do it.”
The music hit us once we walked under the yellow neon sign and up the two white tile steps into the bar. Anthony and Uh-Oh walked up to the blue bar while Marjorie and I perched on one of the two white stone picnic tables just under the bar’s awning. I watched Uh-Oh lean in close to the female bartender’s ear to ask something. Suddenly, the two youngsters from down the street approached our table and began once again trying to sell us their wares, offering sad pouty lips each time we declined. I rested my arm against the back of the bench and suddenly found the little boy grabbing my wrist and rapidly encircling two neon bracelets around it. Somewhat shocked, I gave him a scolding look and attempted to remove the bracelets. His eyes saddened and I could no longer refuse. “How much?”
“40 Bhat.”
I reached into my wallet and handed him two small green bills, thinking he would give a satisfied nod and run off. Instead, the little one leaned in and pressed perfectly rounded lips against my cheek. My surprise was evident and disappointing to the little guy. He sadly pointed at his cheeks while making kissy faces. Unable to bring myself to reciprocate, I pulled him into a gentle hug.

Anthony returned to the table and sat down across from me. The boy excitedly pointed to the bracelets around my wrist. Anthony gave him a thumbs up and smiled. The little girl had stopped tugging at her polka-dotted dress and had snuggled into Marjorie’s arms. The little guy continued bouncing between Anthony and my arms until Uh-Oh returned with the tall slender one who had been leaning against the pole when I had first laid eyes on the bar. “This is An,” Anthony explained and I felt my eyes grow wide.

Uh-Oh spoke to An for a few moments in Thai. I leaned in as close as possible to make out Uh-Oh explaining in English, “I told her that we are playing a game called a treasure hunt where we prayed and God gave us clues to lead us to His treasure. And that all of our clues led us here and that her name was one of our clues.”

Anthony nodded, “What does she think about that? How does it make her feel?”

An and Uh-Oh spoke in Thai, then Uh-Oh turned to us with wide eyes and translated, “This is the second time in the seven months that An has been working in Pattaya that a group of people have come here playing ‘the treasure hunt game’ and looking for An by name. The first group of people was from England. She wants to know how we knew to come here to find her.”

“But you explained the treasure hunt, right?” Anthony asked, slightly confused.

Uh-Oh nodded, but reiterated the story to An with Anthony’s additions, “God is looking for you. He wants you to know that He loves you and He sees you.”

An was still concerned, confused, and frightened. “I feel heavy in my heart. I feel uneasy.”

With An’s permission, Anthony prayed that the heaviness would go and the peace of God would come upon An’s heart. When the heaviness did not lift, Anthony prayed again.

Looking at this sweet, frightened one, I leaned my head on my Lover’s chest, “Abba, what is on your heart for this one? What is the key to her heart?” Above the pumping techno I heard the word, “Mother.”

Leaning closer to the beat of heaven, I whispered, “What about An’s Mother, Jesus?” 
A rush of emotion laden words filled my soul, “There is a wound with the mother.”

Anthony looked to us, seeming at a loss, “Are any of you getting anything?”

I nodded, “There’s a wound with the mother. Like the kind of wound that would make her feel like if she had kids, she would be a bad mother.”

Anthony leaned in and told Uh-Oh to ask if there was something like that. Uh-Oh looked at Anthony, then at me, oddly. Anthony turned to me, eyebrows raised, and shouted over the music, “He’s a ladyboy.”

It was something I had known in a way, so I shrugged, “That’s the only way I have to describe it.”

Anthony nodded at Uh-Oh. Uh-Oh and An’s lips moved in seeming silence, then Anthony leaned towards me, “There is something like that.”

We quickly traded spots on the bench and I asked An if I could pray for him. With his permission, I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and prayed simply and slowly. “Jesus, come. Show An how much you love. Bring healing to this one’s heart. Wash over this heart with your love. Take away the pain.” In the midst of the chaos, I felt a wave of God’s love wash over my soul, through my being into An. “Does he feel any different?” I asked.

Uh-Oh smiled when she delivered the answer, “Yes, he feels warmth and peace.”

I smiled back. “Tell him that’s God’s love and presence.”

An began to relax. Anthony leaned in close to my ear again, “Can ladyboys go to the banquet?”

“I think so. At least back in September they were able to, as I know at least one went then.”

Anthony motioned that he wanted to get in close to An again. “It’s too important for it to end tonight. We need to get him to a place where he can just get loved on for a while. If he comes, that means you have to be there, Amy.”

I smiled, quickly scooting over to allow Anthony to extend an invitation to An to come and be lavished in love. After a few minutes, Anthony shouted, “He wants to go. We just have to get the bar owner’s permission.” 
Anthony, Uh-Oh, and An moved to the picnic table behind us to talk to the bar owner. I kept close, continuing to pray. Uh-Oh translated enough to keep us in the loop. An wanted to come to the banquet badly enough that he was willing to waive the personal fee that the bar owners required and have us just pay the bar for his time. Anthony shook his head when he heard the fee for An’s time, and leaned in close to me. “Most of the girls here could go for two hours for 300 Bhat. But An is ‘special,’ so the fee is 500 Bhat.” 
Something in my heart ached as I heard that, as I knew that An’s uniqueness was due to the pain so commonly associated with being a ladyboy. I heard little of what was said from that moment until we told An goodbye and left the bar’s awning, promising to come back Friday evening to pick An up for the banquet.
Through the whirlwind of activity of the next two days, An remained at the forefront of my mind. I prayed that Abba would continue to let An feel His pursuit and that at the banquet, something would shift for this man. When we arrived at the bar to meet An, I was so blessed to be the one to walk with him back to the Sunbeam Hotel where a feast of love had been prepared.

Throughout the banquet, An and I made small talk using his limited English. We laughed as those around us participated in silly games and cried as The Tamar Center staff shared their stories of how they had entered into the bar scenes and how the Tamar Center had helped them leave the bar and find a better life and the true love found only in Jesus. At the end of the night, I prayed with several of the girls at my table and let my shoulder catch their tears. I prayed for An as well, but little seemed to break. At one point, I noticed Kelsey, the teal-haired momma whom I had befriended during Extreme Prophetic’s school that week, praying for An. Before leaving, An thanked me for bringing him, telling me he had a good time but had to go. I hugged him and said I was glad he had come and as I watched him go, something in me broke. This one so pursued, this one so sought after, still felt forsaken.

Once the girls from my table had all gone home, I approached Kelsey and asked what had happened with him.
“Nothing really. I just felt like he was really sad and I prayed for him.”
Emotions I could not express well to her or anyone else overflowed from my eyes. “I just want them to have a way to leave the bars,” I explained through the tears. “Every girl in here tonight had the opportunity to leave if they wanted to, but An didn’t. I want justice to come for him, too.”

“My story is every ladyboy’s story,” the tall, slender man called Journey said in a higher falsetto voice.

“But I’m new here. I don’t know this story. Will you tell me anyway?” Though I was surrounded by many other ladyboys at a non-profit housed in a small storefront off of a narrow street in Pattaya, Thailand, I was sensing that there was something special about this one.  Somehow hearing his story was quite important.

“I always felt like I was supposed to be a woman,” Journey explained, and then paused, as if leaving details out. “I’ve experienced many broken hearts. You see, the love of a woman starts off very small and it grows over time. But the love of a man starts off very big and it shrinks. So when a man breaks up with a woman, it hurts her even more.”

My friend Amy and I nodded. Journey let his story hang in the air. As I stood on the other side of the counter from him, I paused, listening to the Voice of Another: “Speak into this. Provoke him to jealousy.”

“Can I tell you my story, Journey?” Upon receiving an affirmative reply, I continued. “I know a Man whose love isn’t that way. His love is so big and it makes me so happy. Each day I wake to find that His love is bigger than I thought it was the day before. His love is so big I can’t find the end of it….” I continued sharing about the love of Jesus in this way until I saw jealousy well up in Journey’s eyes. “He’s my boyfriend,” I said, trying to explain the kind of love I know God feel towards weak humans to a man seeking to experience that kind of true love. “We’re engaged to be married.”

Journey turned to Amy, “Do you know this man?”

I quickly answered for her, “Yeah, she does. We have the same boyfriend.”

Journey looked at us, quite perplexed. “Same boyfriend?”

Amy and I looked at each other and nodded. “You see,” I continued, “this is our God, and He wants this with you, too.”

Clearly taken aback, Journey asked for more information. Smiling, I reached into my bag and pulled out my Bible. “I came to Thailand six years ago. I met a ladyboy who was fifteen named Bang. After I went back to America, Jesus would not let me forget him. I have been praying for ladyboys in Thailand ever since. Jesus gave me a verse for ladyboys when I was praying for Thailand. Can I show you?” Journey looked at my Bible with me. I had opened to Hosea 2:19-20. “It says, ‘I will betroth’– that means marry– “you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge’– or know– ‘the Lord.’  When Jesus told me that this was for ladyboys, I didn’t know that ladyboys want a husband. But Jesus knew. He said this verse is for all the ladyboys. It is for you. He wants to meet the desires of your heart for a husband. He says that everyone who believes in Him is His bride. He loves the people who believe in Him like a man loves his wife.”

Journey looked at me, still stunned. “The love of God is like this?”

“Yes, it really is. You can ask any of my friends here with me. His love is like this.” I excused myself to say hello to a friend who had come to see me. Journey walked out front and sat down at the blue table on the patio where one of my teammates, Joseph, was sitting with some of the other ladyboys. After chatting with my friend for a few minutes, I joined Joseph and the others outside. I was surprised to hear Journey talking with Joseph about Jesus. To hear Joseph tell this story later, “This ladyboy just came up to me and asked me to tell him the story of Jesus.”

We sat around for quite a while telling Journey about Jesus. At one point Journey excused himself. When he returned, he sat next to me saying, “I am having such a good time talking with you about God. I called two of my friends to come listen. You will stay and talk to them, right?”

We agreed and continued chatting with Journey. At one point, he asked us about going to church. I reached for my bag and began digging for the invitations to True Friends Church that I had in there somewhere, placing my small, travel-sized Bible on the table next to me. I pulled the invitation out from the bottom of my bag and handed it to him. Journey asked if I would be there on Sunday and when I told him that we were leaving Pattaya the next day to go to Bangkok, he seemed crestfallen. I told him that there were other people at Sister’s who he could go to church with, as a couple of them had come to know Jesus while we were in Pattaya. One of them said that Journey could go to church with him.

I noticed Journey looking at my Bible with longing. “You can look at it if you want.” Journey picked up the small book and unsnapped the cover and began thumbing through the pages. “In fact, if you want, you can have it.” Journey said his English was not good enough, to which I replied that we could get him a Thai Bible if he wanted one. He nodded that he had heard and I let the invitation hang. Joseph walked around the table to stand next to Journey and began telling him about the Bible and how to read it.

Mandi and Ai, two of Journey’s ladyboy “sisters”, arrived and joined us at the table, pulling out their pet puppy and parrot for us to play with as we chatted. Ai had a lot of questions that his limited English would not let him express, but Mandi’s English was perfect, so he served as our translator to ensure that everyone was able to understand each other.

Of all the questions that Ai had, the biggest by far was expressed when he said, “I thought God hated ladyboys.” He told us of how Christians had judged him, often without caring enough to get to know him. In that moment, all I desired to do was speak love over this one who had experienced so much brokenness at the hands of a church that does not understand the love of our God. Joseph was the first to speak into Ai’s question: “God loves everyone. He says in the Bible that there is no race or man or woman in His eyes. He loves everyone the same. And any Christian who tells you otherwise does not really understand His love.”

Nodding, I added, “God hates anything that keeps you from receiving His love. He says that sin keeps people from receiving His love. So if I lie, that keeps me from receiving God’s love because I feel like I can’t come to Him. He hates sin. But He loves you.” I am not sure if Ai grasped this fully. It seemed so much for him to take in.

Journey came and sat beside me at one point, “I think I do want a Thai Bible. Can you get me one?”

I smiled at him, “Sure. I don’t have one right now, but I can get you one. Can you meet me tomorrow for coffee?” We arranged to meet the next morning at Starbucks so I could get him a Bible. When I got back to the meeting room at the hotel for that evening’s meeting, I was happy to see that there were still two Thai Bibles.

The next morning, Pearl, one of the Thai students of the school, walked with me to Starbucks where over coffee, Journey opened up more of his story to us. “I grew up in a Christian family. I went to Sunday School from second to fifth grade, but I never heard that the love of God was like you said it was.”

Pearl told him that God loves us enough that He does not want us to be like robots, and so He gives us the freedom to choose Him. I felt Abba prompting my heart at that point to restate that in terms of an arranged marriage verses a marriage that is chosen by both parties. “When Jesus came to earth, he bought the most expensive ring that could ever be purchased when He gave up His life for us. And then He humbled Himself and got down on one knee, and asked if we would choose Him. I see Him coming to you now, and getting down on one knee and asking if you will be His.” Before I knew it, Journey was bowing his head and telling Jesus, “Yes.” We stayed with Journey for a bit, praying the blessings of heaven over our new brother. Pearl had to leave a bit before I did to get ready for the trip to Bangkok. Journey and I stayed and prayed for a bit longer, with some protests from Journey about how he didn’t want me to walk back to the hotel alone. It was beautiful seeing God begin pulling out Journey’s masculinity in this way. As I prayed with Journey, I prayed that he would be rooted and grounded in God’s unending love for him.

I stopped in my tracks in front of her, stunned by her beauty. The breeze teased her long dark locks and her eyes, though sad, shone. The teal of her V-neck dress seemed not too many shades off from the painted statue of a young boy reclining on the bench behind her.

My friend Neil and I had embraced a challenge that evening: to find beauty at night in the darkness of a city that comes alive with its night life. So we had set out, cameras in hand, walking down Beach Road in Pattaya, Thailand… and here in this young woman, I found beauty.

It wasn’t really her outward beauty that stood out to me as I gazed at this young woman… It was so much deeper. She was innocent, somehow. She seemed oddly out of place among the freelancers that were trying to win the heart of a client with their beauty and charm. She did not call out to us. She just sat there, waiting. Waiting for someone to see her.

I called gently to her in Thai, “Beautiful.” Then I raised my camera in a gesture understood universally. I wanted to remember her. She nodded and I took the shot, then sat down on the bench beside her to show her. She nodded at the image.

I smiled and told her in Thai, “Jesus loves you.”

She reached into her Hello Kitty handbag that she had been clutching and pulled out a tract and began speaking intently in Thai to me. When I explained that I didn’t understand because I didn’t speak Thai, she looked wistfully down the road until a friend of hers who spoke both Thai and English came along. “She wants a book about this,” the friend explained. Surprised, I looked to Neil. “Neil, she wants a Bible.” Turning back to the discovered translator, I asked if he could help me get her number, but apparently, that was beyond his ability to translate.

Another Thai man came along and whispered to her something that I could only grasp one word of: police. She bolted with him across the street to the shelter of a bar. Neil and I watched and followed a few moments later. This second man stood with her and a motorcycle taxi driver just outside a bar. We tried approaching again. She turned to her friend and spoke to him in Thai. He explained that she wanted a book about this tract that was circulating from the taxi driver, to someone who worked in the bar, to another friend, to himself. We were able to explain that we had no books with us, but if she gave us her number, we would get her a book and bring it back. She scribbled her name, “Suai,” and number and handed it to me. Neil and I nodded and left, promising to return. We headed back to the hotel, convinced that we would not find a picture more beautiful than that one that night. Part of the way back, Neil sobered. “I can’t just leave her there. We have to go back for her.”

When we arrived back at the hotel, we put a call in to Tamar, YWAM’s outreach to bar girls, but there was no answer. We stood in the lobby for only a few minutes, conferring about what to do, until one of the other teams returned. We convinced their translator, Yai, to go back out with us and headed back to Beach Road.

This time as I looked, I saw so much more…. Many girls just like Suai, standing, waiting. Why not that one over there in red? What was it that made Suai so special? I walked past her at one point, so caught up in the beauty I was seeing. So many souls… all so beautiful and precious. Yet this one, Suai, had won His heart.

We finally found her and sat down with her to talk, though she was nervous about being caught by the tourist police and arrested. She again told us how she wanted a book about God. We all nodded. We hadn’t brought a Thai Bible. We slowly shifted the conversation to ask Suai if she enjoyed her work. She said no. Neil had Yai tell her about the opportunity with Tamar to get a different job, but Suai said she was not able to leave the streets, because she had to provide for her 14-year-old sister, her parents, and her two-year-old son. We kept asking about other alternatives for her, but she kept bringing our conversation back to one thing: She wanted a book.

Suai told us that she had seen us earlier in the week and had wanted to approach us, though she hadn’t had the courage.

Then that night, I stopped. She said she collects tracts and any other pieces of literature about God that she can find and reads them over and over. “My grandfather was a Christian. He had many books about God. When I was younger, I would read his books and feel peace. I want to feel that again. When he died, I asked my grandmother to save the books for me. But when I went to get them, they were all gone. I was very sad and angry because there were many books and they were so precious to me. My father tells me that if I want to become a Christian, I should read more. But I have no books.”

While we were talking with her, I remembered that I had put a book in my bag that morning thinking that I was going to give it to a friend I had met the night before when I saw him the next day. I felt Abba whisper to my heart, “She’s asking for it.” I discreetly unzipped my bag and pulled it out, showing it to Yai behind Suai’s back. I asked her if it was a good translation and if she felt Suai would be able to understand it. Yai said yes. So I showed Suai the book and said, “I brought this book from America, where it is very hard to find books in Thai. One day in a bookstore I found this book and knew someone in Thailand needed it, so I bought one copy. It is by a man who loves Jesus very much and it is his story of how he came to have a deep passion for Jesus. Suai, I believe that Jesus heard you, and He saw your desire for a book about Him. So He sent me from America with this book for you, just to show you how much He loves you. Will you accept this book?”

Suai nodded and reached over to accept the gift. She looked through the first few pages, and thanked me. We told her that God is a God who restores and that he will restore everything that the enemy had stolen from her. “This book is just the beginning. He will bring you many books about him.” We spent some time praying for her, asking the Lord what was on His heart for her. We felt strongly that she has a calling on her life to teach and when we told her, she replied, “Yes, I want to teach. I tell people that it is a good thing to know God.” Neil told her that God would open doors for her to be able to do that more.

After spending some time praying for her to have a great passion for Jesus, we reluctantly began to say goodbye. We asked again if she would leave and go to Tamar. She again said she could not. We left after hugs and goodbyes, saddened to leave her there but rejoicing at the beauty we had found hidden inside Suai.